Cloudy Christmas with fructmal

Wow, I have to say I have been overwhelmed recently by all the comments on my blog – particularly the “What is Fructose Malabsorption Disorder?” page! I feel I do need to emphasize that I am NOT a health care professional, just a hardware store cashier that has been suffering with this for a long time and has been able to network with others and educate myself (despite all the misinformation and cr*p out there!).

I have recently discovered that I am not notified everytime someone comments on my blog – I only get a notification the first time someone comments. Once I approve them they can comment without my being notified! Which means some people have been thinking I was ignoring them!
I am trying to redo my settings… hopefully I can fix this so that I always know when someone is awaiting a response!

On other notes….
I have been going through a few bad days lately. Last week I found myself at work with no packed lunch. Normally I would go to one of three nearby places where I could get an edible lunch – either a raw veggie wrapped in veggie leather, a quinoa edamame salad or a rice noodle and shredded carrot salad. Regrettably, all these options are NOT CHEAP and I had a $5 bill and no bank card! ~sigh~
I only get 30 minutes so I can’t stray far and wide searching for food. I broke down and got a microwavable stew – thickened with enriched wheat flour. blech – It was not very palatable (though a BIG brand beginning with “C” and ending with ” ‘s”) and I have been SICK.
Flatulence, skin breakouts, scatterbraining ALL over the place! I have been joking with my customers that I’m flailing around and telling myself I’m “multi-tasking”! LOL!! I haven’t been sleeping well and have been what I call “cloudy”.

I don’t like to call depressed “depressed”. I try to remind myself that this feeling that I’m pathetic and useless and I don’t even know why my husband stays with me and should know better and do better and work harder and be prettier and no matter how hard I try I will never be strong or good or talented or special, just stupid and ugly and useless….. I try and remember that it’s just clouds, passing over the sun. The sun isn’t gone; it’s still shining brightly and beautifully in a clear blue sky… just behind the clouds. Clouds don’t stay forever. They always drift away eventually and it’s sunny again. Clouds don’t stay, the clouds will go away, I’m feeling cloudy but I will feel sunny again… I just have to keep going. Get out in the sunshine. Have a warm, comforting shower. Don’t watch the news or cop shows, watch Rescue Ink or Stargate Atlantis. Something light and positive and keep the faith.

Christmas is coming. Normally I am Miss OMG-New-Ornaments!!!-Tree-Dorky-Antler-Headgear-YAY! This year decorating was a chore that took me five days of plugging away, occasionally stopping to eat, go for a walk, stop the downward spiral of cloudy thoughts about how I should be done and how I’m so behind and I’m just a stupid idiot every year and why did I think I could make my house look pretty when I have no taste and I suck and…blah blah blah. I showered again – just stood under the warm water really, and gave myself permission to cry. Big, ugly, snotty-nose cry. I ended up bent over with one hand on the shower wall and one on my knee wailing in heaved… like I was emotionally vomiting.
Well. The tree is up. I put the empty garland boxes and light boxes away. My husband will vacuum.
Done.

I hate wheat.

😦
AVT

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12 responses to “Cloudy Christmas with fructmal

  1. So sorry to hear about having to have a wheaty lunch and that somehow you were able to entertain the idea for even a millisecond that you are not gorgeous, talented, kind, smart and possibly the coolest person I have ever met.

  2. You rock!
    🙂
    smiley, smiley, smiley

    AVT

  3. God bless you for putting so much of your energy into this blog. I am relieved to have found it. Since our son was just diagnosed with fructose malabsorption in September 2009 (at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester) since we live here in Rochester. It’s been a very frustrating journey since he is only 2-1/2-year-old. He can’t tell us how he’s feeling. What has been interesting for me to read about is how others with this disorder have the terrible mood swings. Our son is the same way. He just loses it sometimes – starts throwing things and screaming uncontrollably. We have yet to cut ALL fruit out of his diet since he LOVES ALL FRUIT and VEGETABLES. Go figure – a 2 year old who loves vegetables and fruit but is restricted due to a disorder he has. It’s just wrong. Well thank you again for all the excellent information you share.

  4. We must be twins separated at birth. I have never read a better description of my life coming out of someone else’s mouth:) I just discovered this site by, weirdly, googling “quinoa fructose malabsorbtion”. Will check back again soon. Be blessed.

    • Glad we found each other, Melanie!

      I have been VERY good about my food choices lately and I am feeling much better!
      🙂
      AVT

  5. Just found this site. Its nice to hear from somone who is going thru the same thing. I was diagnosed earlier in 2009 but suffered for several years. It only had recently gotten worse in the beginning of 2009. I only can relate it getting worse due to a chainsaw injury with a severe staff and mersa infection.
    The lunch thing is quite horrible for me as I work out of a car on a daily basis. Lack of variety when you combine this with Lactose intolerance. I often find myself mad at myself for having this and my wife is at her wits end due to the mood swings and anger. ADHD meds tend to help but not with the side affects from this. It almost feels like you have no control over your own body and emotions. It can be so hard to discribe it to others.

  6. Hi Kevin!
    I hope the diet helps with the moods swings. I was horribly depressed, quick to anger, given to spontaneous crying fits,,, for YEARS. The diet – especially the wheat thing has eliminated it.
    I don’t even have PMS anymore – I know YOU don’t have to worry about that…
    Just sayin’….. goody-goody-good-good.

    🙂
    Stay in touch!
    🙂
    AT

  7. Used some info on your posts and modified my diet a little and found it to help with the moods. I have been feeling better these days. It sounds like yours is a little more severe but I started eating more items such as turkey finding my moods to be better. Helps with Pepsi throwback. I love it!

    • Glad to hear it Kevin!
      I think upping turkey is an excellent suggestion.
      🙂
      AVT
      ……….. erm… do I want to know what “Pepsi throwback” is?

  8. I was diagnosed last year and really enjoy reading your blog. I realize everyone is different but I was just wondering what foods you consider safe. There is contradicting info all over the web and I am struggling. I will think one thing (like organic yogurt with pure cane sugar and vanilla is okay and then I get sick. Any help is appreciated.

    Candie

  9. I just found your site! Diagnosed with FM and LI at Mayo last summer. Had a rotten afternoon today and read on your blog, relating the brown rice/turkey hot dish with my naughty 1/2 white bun (since I wasn’t feeling good anyway) last night. Was NOT worth it!. Thanks everyone for all your input. Nine months later, still trying to figure all this out.

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